Since the beginning of this year, due to my health and circumstances, I have finally settled down and resumed the habit of reading whenever I have free time. It seems that since graduating from university, I haven't read leisurely books with such focus. The range of these books includes finance, health, productivity, history, and love. However, through the order of this reading list, they all tell me how I should live my life.
I realize that reading is a shortcut that can reduce the winding and tortuous process of exploration, lessen the bumps along the way, and allow some possible answers and the appearance of distant peaks to appear before my eyes sooner.
After a year of reading, the world I see is vastly different from what it was this time last year. And these books are the source of my growth—
Set For Life#
A popular science book teaching young people how to manage their finances. It is roughly similar to the two books I read last year, but I actually prefer Ramit's I’ll Teach You to be Rich.
Never Split the Difference#
A book about negotiation skills. The author has considerable experience in negotiating to rescue hostages from various crisis situations and demonstrates how to apply these skills in daily life. It is useful every time I need to speak up for myself. I think it is a great complement to the skills of Nonviolent Communication. Perhaps in communication, we initially try to understand and see each other, achieving our wishes through cooperation. But when the other party is an asshole, we have to think of other methods, which is negotiation skills. I took several pages of notes while reading this book and even memorized the entire section on rent negotiation.
The Art of War#
After finishing Never Split the Difference, I thought since I was pondering negotiation, I might as well look at military strategy. I later found it to be completely different from what I imagined; it is not about tactics but rather a philosophy of war that can even be applied to all aspects of life. First, it is anti-war; if problems can be solved through communication and strategy, then war should not occur to waste resources and disregard lives. Secondly, compared to winning wars, Sun Tzu is more concerned with how to better oneself, making the country and its people strong and prosperous. Therefore, before engaging in conflict, one should gather information and strategize, ensuring clarity of purpose. One should have a plan for every step and keep the initiative in their own hands, rather than following the enemy. Rather than defeating the enemy, a more appropriate goal is to do every step one can do well, ensuring one does not lose. There were many statements that made me exclaim, "So reasonable!"
Effortless: Make It Easier to Do What Matters Most#
This book is just as its name suggests, discussing how to make it easier to do the things that truly matter, reducing anxiety, internal conflict, and burnout. Some methods can make important tasks more enjoyable, encouraging oneself to complete them. Some methods can make tasks easier and less strenuous. Some methods can reduce problems or prevent them from arising at all. It is a very interesting book; after reading it, you will find yourself becoming more organized yet more relaxed.
The Book of Boundaries#
I have been reading this book for two years. This year I finally finished it, and it was very beneficial. It teaches people how to maintain healthy boundaries with work, friends, family, and various social relationships, providing many practical communication templates. The most useful content for me is how to maintain healthy boundaries with myself and how to have a healthy relationship with food. This part helped me dispel many myths about food (for example, that one must eat ice cream at the beach in summer, or that sweets can bring happiness).
Why We Sleep#
A very good popular science book on sleep. It discusses the characteristics and functions of various stages of sleep. Sleep has a significant relationship with physical health, mental health, emotional and intellectual intelligence, memory, physical ability, learning ability, productivity, creativity, attractiveness, and even appetite. Poor sleep can lead to various physical and emotional problems. So how to sleep well? The book also provides many tips, which align very well with the various traditional Chinese medicine health concepts my mother has been repeating in my ear since childhood.
The Skin's Secret: Everything About the Human Body's Largest Organ#
First, it discusses the structure and functioning of the skin. Then it explains how various skin problems arise and how to deal with those skin diseases. It also introduces many harmful factors to the skin, the correct methods for daily skincare, and how to eat for good skin. My biggest realization is that the various skincare products sold at counters are essentially a tax on intelligence. What our skin truly needs is good nutrition, quality sleep, exercise, and very simple moisturizing and sun protection.
Cancer Defense#
A very readable popular science book on cancer. It discusses many potential causes of cancer formation, the relationship between cancer and genes, lifestyle habits, and the environment, how to scientifically prevent cancer, and how to effectively screen for cancer through medical examinations.
The Best Goodbye: Common Knowledge You Must Know About Aging and Death#
In life, we are always filled with fear of aging, disability, and death, avoiding discussions about them. However, ultimately, this is the endpoint everyone must reach. This book can help readers start to be brave and attempt to understand the experience of life's end. It uses real and touching cases to describe various options for elderly care in American society and the problems that arise within them. While reading this book, I found myself crying in almost every chapter for the aging, helplessness, persistence of self, and love of the characters in the book. It also made me start to think about what I should do when life is about to end. Since there is always death, how should I live now?
Guns, Germs, and Steel#
A true world history. It explains the reasons for the formation of various ethnic groups around the world and the impact of different terrains, plants, and resources on local human development. I absolutely love this book. For me personally, on one hand, it showcases the customs and landscapes of distant corners of history, making me marvel at how vast the world is and how different human living conditions can be. What I take for granted, what I consider normal and true, is actually just a very narrow segment of human experience. On the other hand, it helps me understand that even though people are distributed in different places with vastly different cultures, they are all the same humanity, sharing the same desires and joys and sorrows. I believe there is no such thing as a national or ethnic character. There are only vibrant individuals making the greatest efforts to live throughout various historical periods.
How to Know a Person#
This year's NY Times Best Seller. I originally wanted to borrow it from the library, but there were already over sixty people in line, so I simply bought a copy. It discusses how to establish deep relationships with others and how to truly see each other, rather than living in our own assumptions and fantasies. To truly see others and allow them to genuinely see oneself, one must first soften, patiently offer companionship. Next, one should ask open-ended questions and use sincere curiosity to understand their perspectives and listen to their stories. When friends face difficulties, one should listen and acknowledge the challenges they encounter, rather than trying to shift the topic to oneself. The book also contains many interesting viewpoints and cases. Finally, the author asks: What is wisdom? The answer given is that wisdom is the ability to truly see others.
How to Not Die Alone#
A very good guide on how to find a life partner. The first step is, of course, to understand what you want, dispelling many common myths (such as overly romanticizing love, seeking maximum benefits, or thinking one must reach a certain life stage before pursuing love) and then step by step teaching people how to prepare for the first date, the second date, how to decide whether to invest long-term, whether to get married, whether to break up, and how to specifically handle breakups, etc.
Eight Dates#
Another Best Seller. This book discusses how to mutually understand each other and maintain a good relationship with a partner. It is divided into eight topics, including how to build trust, handle conflicts, engage in intimacy, deal with finances, form a family, play together, grow spiritually, and fulfill dreams. On one hand, it reveals through data what the most important factors in intimate relationships are, and on the other hand, it teaches readers how to communicate about these important factors, ensuring that good feelings do not wear away in daily affairs.
Before Sunrise & Before Sunset#
I have always particularly liked the Before trilogy movies, and last year for my birthday, a friend gifted me the script. It is a very thin book that can be read in two hours. Compared to the movie, it gives me more room for imagination. Very romantic.
The Art of Loving#
Love is an art. According to Fromm, it has nothing to do with peak experiences, selfishness, sacrifice, power struggles, possessiveness, benefit exchanges, idol worship, or sexual climax. On the contrary, narcissism, depression, and control freak tendencies arise from a lack of love. Love does not happen naturally like rain or dew. It is an art, an art that requires constant practice to maintain skill, an art that only those with a sound personality can master. That is, one must stand freely and independently on the ground, love oneself completely spontaneously and without influence from anyone or anything, and extend that love to others and the surrounding world. Love is a creative experience.
Escape From Freedom#
I wanted to read Fromm because of this book; I hoped it would solve some confusions I have had for a long time. This is probably also the trouble of many modern people; it seems that the more freedom one has, the more confused and lonely they become. Fromm provides a historical framework for this modernity issue, as the emergence of capitalism, the Reformation, and the significant improvement of material life have allowed modern people to choose to do almost anything. However, they no longer belong to any collective or conform to any identity for long. As a result, they feel closed off, lonely, and fearful of having to take full responsibility for their lives alone. Thus, they escape freedom, abandon their integrity, and develop collective tendencies of victimization and perpetration. Fromm suggests that this is precisely the root of the rise of Nazism. The only solution is to embrace freedom and develop a healthy personality, which involves complete spontaneous action.
The Baron on the Tree#
The baron's heir, after a conflict with his family, stubbornly climbed a tree and never came down again. This is a novel very characteristic of Calvino, light, humorous, and full of imagination. The protagonist's life is precisely the solution he proposes to the problems of modernity. How did he do it? You can only read this book to find out.
Learn to Ask Questions#
Perhaps the best book I have read on critical thinking. I have always felt that the term "critical thinking" is a bit awkwardly translated; it should be "rigorous thinking" rather than "critical." In an era filled with overwhelming information and rampant rumors, learning to ask the right questions to process information is more important than ever. As a data professional, I am very aware that different treatments of data can lead to completely different conclusions, and many businessmen and data providers manipulate data for their own interests, making it difficult to avoid many data traps. This book reminds us to slow down our thinking, not to take everything at face value, to ask more questions first, and then draw our own conclusions.
The Allergy Book#
As a long-time sufferer of allergic rhinitis, I specifically finished this book to understand what this affliction is. It discusses various allergic diseases, including rhinitis, asthma, gastrointestinal diseases, rashes, etc., their symptoms and biological causes, and offers effective diagnostic and treatment suggestions.
Pop Songwriting Tutorial#
A tutorial by You Jingbo on how to write pop songs. Compared to his other books, this one is quite interesting. You only need to know some basic music theory to keep up with the rhythm of this book. Each chapter also includes some very practical rhythm or melody creation exercises, which are very helpful.
Much Ado About Nothing#
After watching a very lively performance of Much Ado About Nothing at the Globe Theatre, I bought the original text the next day. This story is a classic romantic comedy about a pair of star-crossed lovers, but it is still very interesting and allows one to see Shakespeare's thoughts on women's situations and justice in the sixteenth century. Contrary to my previous stereotypes about Shakespeare's plays, I realized that there was so much audience interaction, and that the performance was a collaborative effort between the actors, the band, and the audience, and that these plays were originally created for everyone's enjoyment. Everything was particularly interesting, and I finally understood the confusion I often had when reading scripts or series: are many of the jokes and supporting character arcs meaningless to the storytelling? Of course not; they are all created for the live audience.
A Life of One's Own#
While walking to visit Lao She’s former residence in London, I passed by a bookstore and was immediately drawn to this book, which I read during my trip. It is no exaggeration to say that it changed my life. It tells the life stories of nine historical female writers. They read each other and found some direction in life, more or less, due to the existence of others. If I could only recommend one book to my female friends, it would be this one.
Letters Written in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark#
Because the first chapter of A Life of One’s Own discusses Mary Wollstonecraft, I walked to her grave at St. Pancreas the day I finished that chapter. Letters Written in Sweden is a collection of letters she wrote while traveling to the Nordic countries with her infant daughter to conduct business for her lover, documenting her observations and various political thoughts during her time in the North. First, her writing style—very similar to Thoreau and Emerson—is the best English writing I have encountered in the past two years; secondly, the personal character revealed in her daily narratives makes it hard not to fall in love with her. Ever since I finished this book, I have wanted to write a song based on its content, but the complexity of music theory has meant that I have only written a few bars so far and still need some time.
Dinosaur Therapy#
A very small comic book gifted to me by a friend. The author is an ADHD patient who tells his world through dinosaur comics on each page. I resonated with almost every page. Moreover, it is particularly interesting even just to look at as illustrations.
Sketch the World#
I first saw this small book in a museum gift shop; it mostly consists of drawings and teaches how to sketch the world one sees. It turns out that I don’t need to be highly skilled to draw; I can depict everything without needing to know how to sketch. Perhaps everything just needs to start from mastering some simple shapes, without needing objective standards or judges, just needing to—stop and go, trust my eyes, trust my hands, and draw food from my own perspective. After many years of drawing, I used to only copy; I would spend a long time drafting before coloring and outlining, but now I can pick up a pen and draw freely.
How to Look at a Painting#
I bought this book about ten years ago, but I never had the patience to really read it. After frequently visiting museums in the past two years, I often experienced that feeling of being impressed yet not knowing what I was looking at, so I resolved to finish this book. I looked at two or three paintings every night before bed, and surprisingly, I finished it in just a few weeks. The author has collected many famous paintings by theme and explains the author's intentions, narratives, structures, and methods one by one. I gradually realized that painting, like writing and music, is about using different elements to create one's own story, telling different perspectives on how one views the world. In music, these elements might be rhythm, notes, and harmony; in painting, they are color, geometry, and texture. After understanding this, I feel like I can appreciate that painters are also observers and creators living in history, extracting the joys or sorrows of life and turning them into stories on canvas. And the characters in those stories, their expressions and smiles, are immortalized through artistic creation.
The Everything Learning German Book#
Because I was going to travel to a German-speaking area, and it had been nearly ten years since I last took a German class, I borrowed two beginner German books from the library a month in advance. I really liked this one; it starts with simple pronunciation rules and comprehensively summarizes German grammar, including essential vocabulary and phrases for travel and daily life.
The Courage to Be Disliked#
Due to the psychological exhaustion caused by work and family relationships, I arranged a solo trip for myself in the autumn. I started hiking alone in the Alps, taking trains around, and eating freshly caught trout from the lake district. I finished this book on the train from Salzburg to Munich. Its content is very similar to that of Mr. Toad Goes to See the Psychologist; both are introductions to Adlerian psychology. Its main idea is that we all have the courage to change our lives and can achieve freedom and happiness, but the premise is the need for subjectivity. This book is particularly notable for its East Asian perspective, describing the dilemmas East Asian children often encounter under their parents' expectations, which can persist for many years into adulthood, leaving us without the strength to begin truly free lives. For those unfamiliar with narratives of subjectivity, this book is a very good starting point.
Mr. Toad Goes to See the Psychologist#
A very light psychological story. It tells the story of Mr. Toad from The Wind in the Willows, who, after going through various storms, becomes despondent and finally visits the psychologist, Mr. Heron, at the arrangement of his friends. During ten counseling sessions, Mr. Toad begins to reflect on where his depressive emotions come from and gradually saves himself from suffering through reflection and practice, starting a new life. For me, the most helpful aspect is that it shows how people form their mutual ways of interacting with the world based on their childhood and relationships with elders. Even in daily life, perhaps it reflects my childlike patterns that I have carried from childhood or my unconscious imitation of my parents' patterns. When I realize this, I can reduce many unconscious unhealthy behaviors, avoid many cognitive traps, and freely do what I want to do.
Starting from the Limits#
It took a long time from knowing about this book to actually picking it up to read. Even though I thought I was already familiar with the concept of "fear of weakness," when I truly read it word for word from the perspectives of the two authors, I was still deeply shocked. Perhaps under structural differences and the intentional or unintentional constructs of society, we have all evolved a mode of consciousness that deceives ourselves to keep life going. But that is always unreal and unfair. Moreover, this world is far from a place where we can denounce political correctness. So we must open our eyes and give ourselves a fair chance.
Autumn Garden#
When I received this book, I thought, such a small book, I should be able to finish it in one or two hours, but it took me almost an entire night. Yang Benfen's writing is very expressive and full of life, but even a small paragraph carries a lot of information and heavy history, making it hard to turn the page without deep thought. This is probably the most powerful book I have read this year, and it is difficult to summarize what it is about in just a few sentences. I can only say that it touches on the most important topics discussed in the history of human literature, such as starting from limits, plague, miserable worlds, and the crowd.
Mechanic Shop Femme's Guide to Car Ownership#
Coincidentally, a colleague mentioned this book before I bought a car, so I immediately ordered it and read it as soon as I got it. This book has been a great help to me. From researching car models to bargaining, to maintenance and upkeep, to decluttering, the author explains every step carefully. Because there are fewer women working in the automotive industry, and there is a stereotype that few female friends understand cars, even though I have owned a car for many years, I have never opened the hood to check the oil or changed the air filter myself. Cars have always been a huge unfamiliar world for me, and once a problem arises, I need to outsource it. But this book completely dispelled my fear of cars and made me believe that I could also take action myself.
The Four Doors#
A small book I received from a blind box at the library at the end of the year, it resembles the various speeches from famous people we often hear during graduation season. I probably finished this book in just an hour, but I am glad I did, as it allowed me to confirm the various knowledge I have learned from life. This book is divided into four sections: 1. Everyone has their own use 2. Break free from self-limitations 3. Enhance your life 4. Start from love. Although it sounds a bit like self-help, I still gained some strength from it. The part that resonated with me the most was: humans are beings in motion, so you need to find a goal and move steadfastly towards it; otherwise, you will fall into nothingness in stillness.